An evening coffee

4:30 pm.

I sat down on table 7, the usual spot. It was a special day. It’d been the second year of togetherness and we decided to relish it with the one honest thing that connected us - the evening coffee in here, warm enough to juggle your frozen mind from an entire day’s unforgivable stress. Disconnected by colleges in 2 different states and a very beautiful history, it’s not very often that we get to sit in so.

She sat down, 2 cups of magic in her hands, her aroma unchanged over the years, yet her nails had found new colours this time.

" Happy Anniversary Idiot "

I smiled back.

" How do you manage to stick on to me after all that's happened? "

" It's magic "

She smiles, warmer than the sip.

" Hey,hey there's a lot of stuff I've got to tell.. "

I nodded, I kept staring at her enthusiastic eyes, rolling with passion that I'd see surface everytime we meet in person rather than any virtual medium.

".. today while we were coming..last day in hostel... Oh my God you wouldn’t believe... "

She went on conquering universes, filling in the 6 month information void. I just stared. I wasn't listening.
As usual.

I leaned back and gave a tiny glimpse to Joe who returned it with a kinky smile. Being in the same college as hers, he was visibly tired of the guardian post I assigned him to. Poor guy, has to tolerate this unstoppable machine for the majority of the year, yet he’d do it for us.

But even knowing me as the plainest a person could, he’d often ask me " can’t you actually give her some more attention? "

I took another sip, she had probably covered up to about 2 months of her hostel life experiences. All I noticed was her smile - full of soul. Which was weird, because I noticed.

It'd been 4 years since the storm that tore me apart. Family didn't have the meaning it used to, bonds felt different. Emotionality hadn't bothered to touch me in quite a while. As they say, sometimes tear drops do dry up to habit. I was a barren land, unfruitful to both me and others.

And then there was she. Who was supposed to be an antagonist in the tale I could recur to victimize myself. But despite whatever restrictions she’d been set with, she’d find time - to comfort me, to face my tantrums, and to try to motivate me all the more, holding on, without complaints. But I was me no matter what, she didn’t matter midst my issues.

" .. And hey today, we had to sit in for like 4 hours in that crowded bus.. "

I wondered to myself, how can I possibly take such a person for granted? How long can I keep expecting her to run back to me?

I kept asking myself questions.

Despite how much I actually care about her, and knowing how many sacrifices she’s willing to take for me, why do I keep pushing her away? Aren’t I happy when I’m with her? Yes. Has the differences ever made me feel apart? No.
Then why?

It was hard to explain.

" Hey you wanna eat something? "
" Oh god yes "
" Go get something and we'll continue , I'm pretty hungry too"

As she got up, her innocent immaturity still pumping in her adrenalines, it hit me.

We were a lot like my parents and it scared me. I didn’t want this relation to continue because I was scared of hurting her, not being there, when it might matter the most.
My extreme possessiveness might one day turn envy. My lethargy might show up as ignorance and lack of affection. I was afraid that maybe I was blocking a better life that she deserved and one she might be deprived of because of me.

She was back. The story continued, I was deaf. I kept staring at her Vaseline coated lips.

And maybe one day I'll become her biggest regret.

I nodded and listened. Let it go as far as it could, I thought.

5:30 pm

I still sat here staring , blinded by thoughts, having not the tiniest guess of how an hour had passed.

Three tables away, she sat. I was invisible, reckon if she remembered by a ghostly glimpse.

Today was special, it was her first anniversary. This wasn’t college anymore, she and him - a couple full of happy smiles, but all that mattered to me was hers. The entire world seemed to have revolved, yet nothing seemed to have changed. Except for me, a tiny particle whose vibrations couldn’t bother an eventful universe.

I took the last sip of it, the essence had dried and warmth had died a little.
It all made sense when her words echoed in me
" It’s magic. "